Flicker Out
by jaokolad
Summary: Cave hadn't worked on conversion gel without his faithful personal assistant by his side. Now that he's ill, Caroline has to work against her own illness to try to find a way to cure him. Covers the events between his diagnosis to the birth of GLaDOS, as well as some of Aperture's earlier major events, all from Caroline's point of view. Contains character death and violence.


**Warnings:** Character death and headcanon which is par for the course with our fandom.

**Summary:** Cave hadn't worked on conversion gel without his faithful personal assistant by his side. Now that he's ill, Caroline has to work against her own illness to try to find a way to cure him.

Covers the events between his diagnosis to the birth of GLaDOS, as well as some of Aperture's earlier major events, all from Caroline's point of view.

A lung full of breath was held achingly full in the presence of pure unspoiled silence. A moment of dim peacefulness, stillness, seemed to slip down the wall on which Caroline rested her head. This quiet, so rare and strange—as fragile and as clear as glass and equally cutting. Sound could be ordered, explained, and traced back to an origin. But from where did silence originate? What was it about the absence of noise that made the mind so loud, the heart pound? Why was it hard to keep her thoughts from drifting to the darkest of places?

With parted lips, she whispered into the nothingness "I may be getting too old for this."

"Miss Caroline?" As if summoned by her confession noise for noise, a young medical doctor approached, the name Dr. Henders proudly worn over his heart. For a moment she just looked at him with her head still resting back against the wall, the Aperture logo wide above her as if labeling all of the woman below.

As she sat up, dull brown hair dared to slip from its place. Warm, rich color was diluted with silver and swirled the tones in her otherwise tight bun. Sensible, muted, and modest clothes shifted as Caroline stood and brushed the wrinkles from her skirt.

Henders was polite and respectful towards the woman who was as much a legend as her employer to those who worked here. Opening the first folder, the doctor took a deep breath and widened his stance a little.

"His tests came up positive." Mercifully, he paused and watched and waited for the news to sink in. Surprisingly, she only nodded. "It looks like a form of mesothelioma. There's no real cu-"

"Start treatment, least taxing first." She took the first folder from his hands. "This is Aperture, there's nothing that we can't find a solution for."

He simply nodded, not wanting to argue with her. There was no doubt that she'd read the information he had brought and would likely understand it without further explanation. With a deep breath and a quick wetting of dry lips, the young doctor continued on to the second folder.

"As for _your_ tests…there seems to be some signs of poisoning. Since a lot of the compounds you were exposed to were experimental and new, we're not sure how to go about diagnosing you. We can run more tests to get a broader look at what's happening."

The second folder was handed to her and it was on its smooth manila surface she kept her eyes. "No. I want all priority to go towards Mr. Johnson's recovery. I don't want him to know about this."

Henders swallowed, taking the smallest of steps backwards. "You want me to keep something like this from him? I-I don't know of _anyone_ who's successfully lied to the man. Please Ma'am. If he suspects there's something I'm not sharing, or if he sees you ill, it'll be me in the testing tracks next. I have a wife and a son on the way."

A strangely calm smile crossed her lips as Caroline met his eyes. "Don't worry, I won't allow that to happen. I've worked through illness before." She tucked the folders safely under her arm.

"This isn't the flu, Miss Caroline. There's real danger here of kidney failure, serious organ failure, dementia or who knows what else. At least allow us to run some sort of clinicals on rats so we can come up with a plan of action."

"I'll be fine. Mr. Johnson is and should always be your highest priority. His recovery is all that matters."

An image of his wife crossed Henders' mind as he studied Caroline's face. Unspoken and certainly unconfirmed in the work place, there was a look akin to love as she placed a hand to steady the folders under arm. The thin ring-less fingers of her left hand clutched the folders tightly.

"A. As you wish, Miss Caroline. You could come in for a check up whenever we're treating him."

"I won't have time for that, but thank you for your concern. If anything changes, I'll be sure to let you know." Walking away from the medical ward, Caroline shifted the folders till they were clutched tightly over her chest.

It had been, oh, how many years? How many had passed while she was busy with the greatest triumphs of science? How many had slipped by while she was picking up the pieces of all their best intentions?

**1943 was such a sweet time in her recollection**. The year she had met him, spry and ever hopeful. A short tour during World War II had convinced the young man he was invincible, and Caroline believed in his immortality.

The educated daughter of a wealthy family had finally obeyed by her parents' wishes and put away her dreams of being the next Madame Curie to take up a secretarial job at a shower curtain company. Each day, Caroline would come in and do her best, but couldn't hide the grief she held for her dying dream. But, it was ok. Her Cave's brightness helped her get by with the tasks before her. It was _his_ enthusiasm that allowed her to accept her fate.

Who would have guessed they both shared a common interest in science? Months of lunch breaks had been spent discussing what kind of science they'd do, what laws of the universe they'd break. And his ambition, it was intoxicating. Here was a man, _a man's man_, who didn't treat her as another broad on the payroll. She wasn't a sexual plaything, not something to stare at or touch at will, but an equal when these talks came up. What had outcasted her from other women and had earned the scorn of her family, he found an asset.

In him, she found somewhere to belong, someone she could be her self around. And that smile, when it was for her alone, she could muscle through any menial task. Broad shouldered and filled with the spirit of unbreakable youth, he'd lean back to laugh his true laughs and she couldn't help but to do the same.

Even if all it would ever be was talk between them, that would be ok. Just being next to someone who loved science as much as she did was good enough. It was a warm happy place in the cold reality that kills childish dreams. For him she had an unspoken appreciation, a special admiration.

Never would she have imagined he'd return that dream to her and more.

**Caroline reached her room**. She hardly left the Enrichment Center anymore and couldn't easily recall the last time she had seen the sun. The dorm was small, built with one occupant in mind. From bookshelves, she began to collect any medical books that they had to offer and stacked them on her desk.

He was and had always been her only and highest priority. Pain twisted somewhere deep in her side but she sat and began the night pouring over the medical texts. Caroline couldn't allow it to end this way, a victim of his own experiment, sick because she had failed to get him to take the proper safety measures.

Perhaps they had assumed he was still invincible.

**There had been a time she too had felt that way**. 1954, still young, in her late twenties, Caroline was truly and impossibly happy. Aperture Science Innovators, the company that he had founded from their little talks was at its peak. There was nothing that they couldn't do. Money was plentiful and there was respect from the public and employees alike. The halls were so busy then, rooms draped with red curtains and trophy cases filled with accomplishments. Those smiles that were just for her were just as sweet and plentiful. His voice called proudly to all those in their growing dream and echoed in all its chambers. He, they, _she_ felt untouchable.

Being his personal assistant allowed Caroline all the freedom to indulge in her scientific curiosities. Instead of just reading about and talking of the innovators of her time, she was involved. He had given her all she had dreamed of and more and all he asked for in turn was her hard work.

And the work was hard. Acting as liaison between Cave and all those that worked for them, Caroline hardly held still. For him and for his dreams, she'd do what it would take. Write a million reports, walk countless miles of hallway, give dozens of speeches. Hide a million bodies. Lie to an endless stream of grieving widows and fatherless children.

Science was dangerous work, and he had only wanted the best people they could afford to hire to test their prototypes. War heroes, Olympians, and astronauts had come in believing in their mission to better humanity's future, and none would walk out alive. Compensation to the families of these brave young men was expensive, the scorn and distrust from the public was simply something they couldn't afford. So it was up to Caroline to make the problem disappear. The bodies were sent to the incinerator along with all evidence they had ever been there. Officers, mothers, wives, sons, and daughters all had come in search for them and each time she'd explain that they hadn't arrived in the first place.

The memories of their tear streaked faces had faded in Caroline's mind but the grief was looming heavy in the air of her dorm. It had been their fault for choosing to love someone so normal. If only everyone could be as untouchable as him.

**He was still**. The treatment was difficult on Cave's sixty one year old body and again silence sat with Caroline. The drugs dripping into his system were of her own design, further developed by their medical researchers. The hand that clasped his was nearly obscured by the sleeves that she had taken to wearing to hide the red blotches that gathered on her skin.

At once, her stomach tightened as she repressed the urge to cough. Wobbling to her feet, Caroline struggled for the door and managed to make it to the hallway before slumping forward in a deep and raspy coughing fit. Her weakened frame had to slip down the wall as she gasped for breath between each painful cough. Wheezing, she took in one long deep breath and rested her head back on the cool wall. Trembling fingers reached up and wiped the blood from her lips.

Undone, it felt like it was all coming undone. How much more could she possibly do?

**1969 was just like this, the first tear at the seam of all she had loved**. Caroline had missed some crucial documents and investigators finally had enough evidence to prosecute with. She had failed and now Aperture and Cave was in danger. There was a very real danger of him going to prison, for everything they had built to come toppling down, because she had missed one memo, one little detail. The bribes it had taken, the favors that had to be done to get in to talk to the right people, it never seemed to be enough. All they could do was hold their breath and wait to see what the Supreme Court had to say. With airless lungs and a pounding heart, the verdict was heard: heavy fines, irreparable PR damage, and the loss of their government contracts and funding.

Not a prison term, not an order to cease work, but a possible death sentence all the same. And she had expected him to hate her for it. It had been _her_ carelessness that had caused this, not his safety practices, not his experiments, but the inevitability of _her_ failure. Instead, he turned his anger towards the government. Cave turned bitter towards his employees, and showed even less mercy to the new subjects they were forced to resort to.

Orphans, the elderly, the mentally ill, the homeless were ushered into Aperture and in the end left as ashes. The innocent, the impoverished, abused, exploited. For him. For his favor. She'd lead them in. They were even packed away, stored in vaults when not in use. Not humans. Things. For science, for him, for his favor, for that smile that was just for her. _Oh_, it was so easy to let them slip down that chute. Nameless, faceless, forgettable, each paying with their bodies, fueling the fires of her dream. Was it all she had wanted? Was she still happy?

With him, in his shadow she was safe. He gave her everything she wanted, with forgiveness.

**On the medical hallway wall Caroline's hands began to scrawl the names in blood**. Names she had written decades ago, signing their lives away, erasing them from existence. Biting her lip, new blood was made available and she reached for it like an ink well. Glazed eyes tracked the letters, lost in the memory.

If you took the blood of all those people, including the heroes she had seen murdered years before that, how many pools would it fill? How many liters? Converted to gallons, how many milk crates would be needed to carry it all? How many trucks would it take to ship? How many ships would they have to sink to wash it all away?

She just wanted to protect him, to protect their dream, all that they had brought into the world together. The blood of the innocent, her soul, she'd give it all. For that smile, that voice, that man who was so much more than a man. Untouchable, unbreakable, invincible, and-and_dying_ in the other room.

That thought stilled her hand, a drop of blood slipping from her trembling lip and onto the floor. He was dying. Without Cave, what was there? Aperture? No. There'd be nothing. For whom would she work for? There would be no motivation without…

Caroline pulled herself up from the floor and with one bloodied hand still on the wall, she made small shaking steps back towards her room.

There would be nothing. Nothing forever, just science empty of any of its meaning.

**Cave was ranting again, violent mood swings were a side effect of the second stage of the therapy she had designed**. Thankfully, Caroline was still exempt from his outbursts. Busy with her own work, she tried not to give it any mind. Drowning him out was surprisingly easy with the help of the book she was searching, at least, until he mentioned his own death.

It was as if the air was suddenly cement in her lungs. Reading off orders as if tomorrow might be the end, the voice of her symbol of perseverance dared to speak of such things to Aperture. Had he lost hope, lost faith in her work to cure him? No, he was just being thorough, but it hurt all the same. Leaving a will of sorts was one thing, but to announce it to their company, their…dream. Their…

Child? Her fingers curled the edge of the page she was on as Caroline desperately tried not to look upset. How long ago had she began to think of Aperture in that way? From his strength and her support the company was bore, with their hard work it was raised, with all that she was Caroline had done what she could to protect it, no matter the cost.

She had sacrificed and cared for it as much as any mother would for a child. Nurtured. Guided. Laughed when it excelled, cried when it suffered. It was dear to her because, at first, there had been the science that she enjoyed, but also because it was his. Cave's legacy.

Her expression softened and she brought the book higher to hide her face, should he choose to turn around. Aperture was the only proof to the future that they had ever been together, Cave and Caroline.

Yet. Not together.

She had dreamed of a time when that might have happened. In her youth, she had wondered at how it would feel to be lost in his arms. In midlife, she had wondered if she should have mentioned something earlier. Now, she was sure of it.

It just was never the right time. When things were good, they were so very busy. When things were bad, she couldn't find a proper time to bring it up, amidst the stress, the crumbling around them. This would have to be good enough, being close to someone who still loved science as much as she. An unspoken sort of admiration.

He hadn't married, hardly dated. She dared to think that maybe he felt the same and those feelings didn't need to be expressed. They were known, felt like gravity in their Aperture halls. Still. It would have been nice to hear it once.

Perhaps it was something she should make time to make known.

**Talks of brain mapping became common place in the halls**. Cave had started an initiative to develop a way to record the thoughts, memories, and personality of someone digitally so that he could live forever in computer form. It wasn't a bad idea, but it bothered her that he had put that initiative higher than the medical research. Man power that had helped her research and develop the medicine that was saving his life was shifted over to finding a way to make him truly immortal.

If he knew of her condition, perhaps he'd have waited. Caroline struggled to keep hold of her thoughts. Focusing on the texts and the paperwork before her was becoming increasingly difficult. Her mind was becoming duller with each passing day. But she was so close. Stage three of his therapy had him feeling worse, but it was just a side effect. Thankfully his condition and his work kept him busy. Always busy.

Holding her forehead in her room, Caroline wondered if she had been wrong.

It wasn't an unspoken agreement. The air chilled on her skin at that thought. If she died now, how long would it take for anyone to come to this lonely living space and find her? Would she be like all those others, slipped into the fires that had always faithfully swallowed their mistakes? What if it was Cave who was married to science, and she just their friendly help?

That's when the sound of a baby's coo caught her attention and Caroline turned in her chair. There, by her bed was a white hooded bassinet, covered in airy lace and lit from some unseen source. No, she just turned back to her work, scrawling the word hallucinations in her notes, but when the child began to cry she stilled her pen.

Wrinkled, worked hands that had been there before were now back to their youthful smoothness and she could feel the weight of her long and dark brown hair on her shoulders. Eyes closed, she tried to banish this vision away and return to her work, but when they opened, she was welcomed to the sight of a park. Green rolling grass stretched far and wide into a distant tree line. People rushed about but in leisure, children laughed, and birds flew freely over head.

A tree swayed over where she sat, drawing Caroline's attention to the sea of its dappled green leaves, the sun turning them green-gold and casting warmth to her face. She could scientifically explain how every biological system worked around her from the trees, to the grass, to the people, but there was something about the perfect peace of this moment. No pursuit of any goal, a simple moment of life experienced and not observed or noted. Her resistance against this waking dream faded and she simply rested her head back against the trunk of the tree.

A weight on her leg caught her attention to find a child, a boy, a beautiful toddler dressed in white crawling into her lap. Even in this dream, it made her heart skip and mouth suddenly run dry. Oh, he was so beautiful and carefully she ran her hand through his curly pale brown hair. He was soft, warm, and real. Tears blurred her view of this perfect child before her and she pulled him to her chest.

This. This felt right, as if every need and desire and regret and—oh, she couldn't hold him close enough. Lips pressed against the tiny forehead. Warmth, love, belonging, and mercy had somehow found her in the form of this little miracle of…

Of science? Of God? Her lips brushed his soft skin as she whispered "Where is your father?"

To that, the boy pointed with one little finger to the tree behind and above her. Strong, tall, unmovable, and wide it protected them from the sun with its shade. Roots were tied strong and deep below the earth. Her hold on the boy softened as she stared up at it with wide eyes. A tree? The awareness of this being an illness-induced hallucination returned as she studied the branches and tried to figure out the connections.

How was he like a tree? Trees were homes to parasites, to insects, crawling and burrowing deep into the wood. They were easily cut down or thrown into the fire. No, it didn't make sense.

He was more like…like science itself. Undefinable. Untouchable. Unobtainable. Only to be studied. Pursued. Not like this clearly mortal inanimate object standing cold behind her. One day this thing would fall and another could easily be planted as if it had never existed in the first place.

A bird landed on the lowest branch, a female dove in her cream and brown coloring. In its branches the bird was safe and could sing her song as much as she'd like and she happily hopped about from branch to branch, fluttering her beautiful wings and singing. The bird didn't have to sing of its need for the tree. It was understood.

But the bird could never express to the tree its love, the tree never speak its joy for the bird's song.

Together, but not.

As if that thought was its spark, the leaves burst into autumn colors and fell heavy and fast. The boy in her lap laughed and grabbed at the falling leaves. Caroline caught one crimson leaf and turned it over in her hand. It was warm, but the warmth faded quickly, the wind stealing it from her hand. By time the leaves had all fallen, the moon had come out and hung full, large, and oppressive in its bare branches.

_The moon_. The dove took flight as if scared of its cold white light. The boy fell slack against her chest.

He had gone blue while in her care. She had been distracted by the tree and somehow her child, her beautiful baby had stopped breathing. Caroline laid him in the cold wet grass and began to try to resuscitate him. Again and again, crying, trembling, begging anything that might hear to have mercy.

It had been like this. _Just like this_. The realization washed over Caroline as she again went down to try and push air into his lungs. Aperture was failing and the only hope they had had rested with the moon.

When she sat up again instead of a dying boy, there before her laid their newest portal gun prototype. One of their greatest achievements rendered unusable, unviable because of its lack of development. For it to live, for it to work right, it needed something to allow it to fulfill its purpose.

**It had been Cave's idea to make a new gel that would act as a suitable surface on which to make portals. **

Saving the portal gun and making it marketable was the only option left. And that moon with its violent light was the only solution. Its rocks were the best possible conductor. And Caroline, she had had only the best intentions. She had tried to get him to work safely with the new material, but she was distracted with her own work. So low on money, so short handed, they developed the gel themselves.

He handled the moon rocks since they were the most expensive investment in the project. She handled the gel its self, finding a base that would be less viscous than the others they had made. It would have to support and not cover the shining white rocks and interrupt their conductivity. Time and budgets made her careless with herself, work took her eyes from him and in the end they both paid the price.

But there was still hope.

**Caroline picked up that prototype and pointed it straight up at that horrible glowing ball through his shaking branches.**

The sound of it firing ushered her back to her room, cold on the floor. No one had come to check on her to find her there. Glad that she could keep her secret a little longer, yet saddened. If something had happened, she'd have left alone and unnoticed. Just wood for the fire.

**Stage four was looking like a huge success, but before she could go to the medical ward there was an employee meeting she had to tend to**. Slow careful steps took Caroline to the modest sized room, able to hold all the leaders of each of their different departments and their assistants. Managing to only look tired, she took the podium.

"You may have heard that we're phasing out employee testing. I'm sorry to say that that is not the case." There was a rumble of worried whispers and she had to raise her hand to regain their attention. "We haven't had the man power or funding to continue with the robotic testing initiatives, manpower and resources in those departments have already been shifted to our more pressing brain mapping and central computing projects. Those in the testing lottery and disciplinary lists will still need to report to their tests as instructed."

A hand raised and with her acknowledgment, a man named Creed from the maintenance department cleared his throat.

"Mr. Johnson had promised that employee testing would be stopped this time last year. You're telling us that we should all still go through those death traps because you're too busy trying to make him immortal?"

At once, Caroline felt ill and the floor swayed a little, but her grip on the podium kept her upright. "Mr. Johnson is the visionary and spirit of Aperture. If there is a way to preserve him to ensure that the company stays under his guidance, then that's what we must do. Should we put off those efforts and he..he pass before they're perfected, who _knows_ what future might befall the company or what direction it may take?"

"So you want us to suffer, our families to suffer, just so that no other person can call the shots? That hardly seems fair." Worried listeners tried to hush the man for fear that he'd be placed on those disciplinary lists.

"Our decision is final. We all have to do our part for science-"

"Yea everyone but you, right? You get to sit all pretty up in his office. You never have to worry about being tested! All you ever have to worry about is your make-up and makin' typos on the memos. Pretty easy to wax poetic about sacrifice for science when you're busy suckin' on his-"

Creed's speech was interrupted when Caroline collapsed. Those in the room simply looked at one another. No one wanted to be the one to tell Johnson for fear of being fired or added to the lists, so for a short while, Caroline was left there as the men argued over what to do.

**The light hurt, burning Caroline's vision until something rushed over to shade it from her eyes**. Warm and glowing gold on the edges, it was his face.

"What have I told you about sleeping on the job, Caroline?" He laughed, relief easy to hear in his words. In return she smiled as well. She was safe in the medical ward, Cave seated in the same chair she had sat in to watch over him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson. Some rest and I'll be fine." His hands took hers, a soft sort of sternness crossing his features.

"They told me about everything. You know how I feel about secrets." Secrets? It made her chest swell just thinking of all the things she had kept secret from him. Even in her best health, she'd never have the time to confess them all.

"I had to. If you worried, it might have worsened your condition."

"From this moment on, you're under forced vacation, understood? Just lay back and relax and don't worry your pretty little head about anything. Cave's got it all under control."

"They don't think my drugs will work for my condition, do they?" His grin faded instantly and Cave sighed.

"No, but everything's gunna be fine. I'm going to get our best guys on it and you'll be back on your feet before you know it."

There was a moment of silence between them. To be so obviously cared for, those eyes on her alone, it was nice despite what she knew she had to say.

"Conversion gel's a success, Mr. Johnson. The brain mapping projects have been progressing at an outstanding rate. Move the man power and funding back to the robotic testing initiatives. No one else should have to die for our dream."

He squeezed her hand at that, frowning. "That sounds like giving up to me. You didn't give up on me, I'm sure as hell not going to give up on you."

"It's hard, living forever. You'll still be alive long after I'm gone, still alive after my replacement is gone and theirs after them. One little secretary won't hardly matter-"

"Caroline. After-" He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders back. "After all this time, you still think you're _just_ some secretary?"

Any words she had vanished behind the smile she couldn't hold back. Since she wasn't arguing with him anymore, Cave left it at that and just softly moved the hair from her forehead.

"Stay in bed and no more talking. That's an order."

"Yes Sir, Mr. Johnson."

**There was something wrong**. Caroline couldn't quite place the feeling. It had been a three weeks, maybe more since her black out and each day was long and horrible without something to do or somewhere to go. But something was just a little crooked, as if trouble was just behind the walls. Her wondering on what it could be was interrupted by Cave coming in, a particularly happy expression on his face. There was the bounce in his step she knew, that soft chuckle as he came to her bed side, and that wonderful smile that was just for her.

"Good news! Just got done talking to the doctor and it looks like you're doing good enough to let you go. Now, I know you'll probably wanna go back to that little room of yours, but I've already had it arranged for you to go to my executive suite. No need to argue, your stuff's already moved."

"Yes Sir."

"Knew you wouldn't say no. Now, let's get you out of that bed." He offered her his hand and she slipped hers comfortably inside. As Caroline moved from her bed and medical gown shifted, he pulled her to himself to keep her from falling. Tall and strong he held her safely, so she simply rested her head against his chest. The heartbeat she heard betrayed him with its rapid beating.

"We made it, Caroline. We'll make it through anything." Invincible, untouchable, for the first time in so long she felt the same. Nothing could touch her here.

Dr. Henders stepped in. The young doctor quickly adverted his gaze from the two before stepping further into the room. That struck Caroline as odd. Whatever the doctor needed to explain, it could and usually was done at the door. When Mr. Creed walked in as well, Caroline pulled from Cave.

"Mr. Creed? What are you doing here?" The stern look on the man's face made it clear he wasn't here to apologize. Two other men came in as well and closed the door behind them.

"This is a private room." Cave stepped towards them, slipping Caroline behind himself. "All of you get out before I dump you all into the testing tracks."

Dr. Henders made the first move, grabbing Caroline and wrapping an arm around her neck from behind and when Cave turned to try to punch him, the two other men grabbed Cave's arms.

"What the hell's going on here? All of you are dead as soon as this is over!" Cave struggled against the men holding him. "Let go of her right now!"

Creed moved over to Caroline and produced a knife which instantly stilled Cave's struggling.

"What do you want? Money? Ha! We don't have any money. Patents? You're Mesa moles aren't you? Well, take them! Key to the office is in my pocket."

"Sir, we can't-"

"Can and will. We can think up new things. Can't think up a better woman, now just take the key and go."

"That's noble of you, _Sir,_" Creed laughed and came and took the key. "But I'm not a Mesa employee. I've worked for you and this dump for almost two decades now, scrubbin' up all the bloody messes left behind by ex-test subjects. We're not here for patents or money."

"Dr. Henders, why are you doing this?" Caroline tried to look over her shoulder at him. He had been a kind man who had done everything he could to help them get better.

"You promised I wouldn't end up on the lists, but my name was pulled in the lottery and put on the lists two months ago. I waited for you to fix it, but you never did. I'm supposed to report tomorrow. I. I can't. My son-"

"We all got families." Creed stepped closer to Cave. "Not that you'd understand what that's like."

"So you think you're gunna come in here, throw your weight around and everyone in the place is just going to go along with you?" Cave snarled at the man. "Cowards like you don't know anything about being a leader."

"Everyone is already with me. Was easy to pass around the 'should we overthrow the current regime' memo with your girl sick. Trust me, there will be cheers in every hall when this is done."

This was a hallucination. It had to be. Caroline kept closing her eyes and opening them in hopes that it would pass. For such happiness a moment ago to crumble into this? It had to be some sort of nightmare. Still, she struggled when she saw Cave break an arm free from one man and land a blow to Creed's jaw. The younger man stumbled backwards. The other man still holding onto Cave slammed him hard against the door. Another two heavy smashes calmed his fight.

"STOP! Do you feel strong, beating a sixty two year old man?" Caroline shouted, still trying to pull from the doctor's grip. "_This isn't brave_!"

In reply, Creed backhanded her. "What do you know about bravery? I've seen you send people to their deaths while you have lunch in his office and you want to talk about bravery?"

"We're ending employee testing-"

"Lies. You've been lying about that for years."

"It's the truth!" Despite herself, tears slipped down her face. "_Please_, just let Mr. Johnson go, I'll set all the paperwork in motion. We'll leave and never come back, please. I'm _begging_you. I might not have a family, but he's all that I have."

Cave lifted his head. "Aperture." He panted, eyes finally meeting hers. "You can have it. It wouldn't be the same without her."

"It'll only take me an hour to get the files in-in order and everything is yours and we'll go." She begged, still trying to pull from Henders. "You could be making executive decisions before we're even out of the facility. The-the brain mapping projects have been successful, you could even live forever."

"Live forever and make executive decisions in this pit for the rest of time? Oh, sounds lovely." Creed laughed. "Sweetheart, I've already made all the executive decisions I need to make. We already even have an employee government drawn up while you were sleeping. You want me to just let you two run outside so you can get the cops involved? Like you'd ever just let this place go. No thanks."

He turned his attention to his men and Cave. "But you heard the lady. I'm leader of this place now, so it's time for my first executive decision." He put the knife on the bed. "Lemme get behind you guys, I don't wanna obscure the lady's view."

A night terror was what this was. That strange, foreign look of fear and worry on Cave's face as Creed slipped from his line of sight, it was something that belonged only in nightmares. The fruitless struggle she was making against the arms that held her back as Creed reached over Cave's shoulder for his tie. That horrible gasp he made when it was turned and tightened like a noose.

"Stop it! You're killing him! Please! Everything you want, you can have it, _please_! Please, not him. _Please_." As the color left Cave, his eyes staid on her face. "Cave…I…" but her sob choked her words and her lungs refused to expand to allow in another breath. It was as if they were both dying but in the end, he closed his eyes. When air finally rushed back in, it left as a long anguished cry.

Creed kept the tie tight for a few minutes extra just to be thorough and when the two men let go of his arms, the older man simply collapsed to the floor.

"Why did you…?" The words were from the woman who still had her eyes locked on the man on the floor.

"I didn't hear you sweetheart, can you say that a little louder?" Creed laughed and retrieved his knife from the bed.

_"__I'm going to murder you slowly."_

"Don't be too upset, the guy's finally in retirement. Probably drinkin' margaritas with whatever whore welcomes him into hell first. You, though, I've got plans for you." He approached Caroline and when he stood before her and blocked her view of Cave, she lifted her head. For just a moment, he was taken back by the hatred on her face, but he just shook his head and smirked.

"I know good help is hard to come by and you've been _sooo_ good to all of us underlings, that I think we should honor his last wishes. Heard the boys in your precious brain mapping department just finished their setup. They were going to test it out on a monkey or some poor sap like Henders here, but no. I think it's finally your turn to do some science. And when you come back as a hulking computer, you're going to work for _me_, whether you like it or not."

"Er, Creed, I don't know about that," Dr. Henders spoke up. "Her mental state might not be in the best condition. She's still recovering from a serious illness that caused some dangerous imbalances in her brain chemistry. If you try to do that now-"

"The thing is probably going to kill her anyway. Nothing works right the first time here. If you're really worried, you can test it first."

"No. I…understand."

They moved her out of the room, pulling her over Cave's body which still laid by the door. "Toss him in the incinerator when we're done."

Down the hallway, employees poked their heads out to see like the whole ordeal was some sort of sick parade. She was disgusted with each of them and a hate which she had never known before bubbled up in her stomach.

She'd kill them all.

Lead like a trophy belonging to an army returning from war, she was paraded to the far side of the facility. Each hall and room they passed were filled with spectators. To each ugly, betraying face, Caroline sneered until she turned her glare over her shoulder to Creed who walked proudly behind his prize.

Dragged into the wing that was supposed to be for Cave, still dressed in her short and thin medical gown, Caroline stared at each face they passed. Some stood with worried or sad expressions, most with relieved and happy ones.

"How can you stand there and watch this? Don't you know what's going on? Cave Johnson is dead! He trusted all of you, he let you in here, he put his dreams in your hands and you all choked him with it. All of you. _I'll kill each and every one of you_."

A skittish new tech opened the door with a look of surprise on his face to which Caroline offered a scoff and grin. "_Didn't get the memo_?"

"Don't pay any attention to her, just do your job." Creed pointed his knife in the young man's direction before shoving her towards a belted chair. Once seated and strapped in, a hand squeezed Caroline's jaw. "Don't move, would hate to cut off an ear."

Buzzing. She closed her eyes, refusing to watch her hair tumble to the floor as the razor began to clear the way. She wasn't ending. This was just autumn. The cool air on her scalp made her take in a deep breath, painfully aware of every inch of herself.

She was alive, so very alive in this moment, in every painful, sorrowful, wrathful meaning of the word. When the noise stopped, she opened her eyes and stared at that one poor shaking soul in the room. The look of fear at what they were doing, the horror at the crime, she couldn't take her death glaring gaze from that one poor face.

Creed made some speech she wasn't listening to, waving around the scalpel he'd need for the next part. There was a sharp pain at the base of her skull, the sensation continuing to the right, then up till the blade reached the front of her crown. Then to the left, back, down and again to the right. A rounded rectangle of her scalp was carefully peeled from bone.

The blood loss had her dizzy, but the trails it made was warm on her neck and the sides of her face. Familiar with the project and its development, she knew the probes were equipped with their own bone bores.

Creed moved a microphone in front of her parted lips. "Whole place is listening, anything you've got to say to everyone? Any last memos from good ol' Mr. Johnson?"

"Ah…" A smirk crossed her face as she sat up straighter, chin held up. "Yes. There will be a party after work today." Undoubtedly all those _worms_ would be celebrating his death. "Cake will be served. After the party death will be served in the flavors of slow and painful. Attendance is mandatory for all employees of Aperture Science."

To that, Creed motioned for the experiment to continue and the sound of the bone bores came out of every intercom in the facility and echoed down every Aperture hall. But she didn't scream, refused to give them any sort of satisfaction.

Instead, she simply closed her eyes and imagined it. Each one of them dropping dead like he had. Crumpling used and wronged to the floor. And then…

And then what?

**Caroline opened her eyes to find a small circle of light where she stood and black nothingness around her**. Again in her youth, there was so much she could do! She could work tirelessly and— and what?

"Sir?" She was dead, wasn't she? If there was an afterlife, weren't people supposed to be reunited with those they loved? "Mr. Johnson?" Silence echoed back.

Hands wrenched the fabric of her white dress. "What am I supposed to do now? Sir, please." She walked to the edge of her light, but it followed her. Try as she might to run into the darkness, the center of the light would find her till it was hard to tell if she was actually running anywhere at all.

"What am I supposed to do without you? Where did you go? Answer me please!" Her knees gave and she fell to the lonely circle. "We were…you had…" Caroline lifted her hands to cover her face, feeling the tears build again. "_I don't want this_."

It was so quiet here. Was this all she could look forward to for all of time? Silence and nothingness, a tiny island of light in endless oblivion? How was this _fair_? How could a just God, or even science leave her to this?

"Was I so horrible to deserve such a lonely hell? Was I wrong? I wasn't a bad person! I was-I was hard working, I wanted to make things better for everyone! I worked, and I gave, and I deserve _something_! I deserve some happiness, some little bright moment! I cared and I suffered and I loved with everything I was! How could I be left to this? Don't I deserve some sort of justice?"

"I'm not a monster for wanting to kill them, you can't punish me for that! They took him, they ripped him away just as he was finally coming close enough to feel and they just-he gave them what they wanted and they still…I _begged_. I pleaded and they still murdered him in front of me, and watched as I was murdered too. And YOU did nothing! For all the work we did for science, there couldn't have been one anomaly, one miracle to save his life? You're just as guilty as they were! Don't you dare leave me to this hell to suffer alone!"

She pulled her knees to her chest. "Did he deserve to die that way? Was that the destiny he was given? H-how could someone so great be allowed to suffer such an indignant death? All he had ever wanted to do was make things better for people, to change the world. Now he's…"

She stared upwards at the light shining down, a spotlight on some terrible endless stage. "There had been nothing that I could do. I-I tried. If I was well, if I was younger, if I was only prepared, maybe I could have…If I had worked harder on my own and left the robotic initiatives alone, they never would have…I should have been able to do something. All I did was watch. And his eyes-" A sob broke her lonely speech, the memory painful to even this virtual body. "Please, if there's something I can give, something I can do to change time, to stop this! Please stop this!"

Her mouth dry and suddenly thirsty, she tried to swallow. "Is this because of the people I allowed to die for our science? I could understand that! I could understand You taking me in some horrible way to punish me for that, but not _him!_ Cave only thought of the ideas, I'm the one who decided the cost! He wasn't guilty of those deaths, he didn't deserve that! Please tell me that his death isn't part of my punishment. If he had to suffer because of what I had done, I…I don't… Oh, God-"

She broke again into sobs. "He was so close. He held me, I-I felt his arms, we were going to live together. The time was finally right and..I couldn't even tell him, not even as he was dying, I wanted to, the words, they. All of the unspoken things, the pain, I couldn't. He never knew how much. How very, very much I. It wasn't science I had wanted. I gave up on that dream when I applied all..all those years ago. It was _him_. All that I worked for, everything I gave. It was all for him and I couldn't even tell him."

As again no answers were given, a numb realization set in. Caroline was alive still, safe in the memory banks of their best computer available at the time. His vision had worked perfectly the first time and what was supposed to free the man she had loved from his aging and dying body was now her prison.

**Years passed with Caroline screaming into the darkness, running, crawling, trying to find relief from the circle of light**. Sometimes she'd pass the time reenacting some of her fondest memories as if he were still there. Even though she was captured digitally, the details were lost as the computer was moved, updated, and tested. Soon, she couldn't even recall the sound of his voice.

That voice that had governed her whole life the she had followed happily was silenced forever. As she laid there in the circle, Caroline tried to remember that smile that had filled her with warmth. It was gone. They had taken everything. All she could hope for was for some sweet accident that may corrupt her data and set her free.

That's when a child's footsteps interrupted her thoughts. Infant code was being introduced still new and in development to better adapt her for the next stage. A beautiful baby girl, part of Cave's vision for a central controlling computer. As soon as the little girl stepped into Caroline's circle and touched the woman's shoulder, the two were bounded. The white-silver of the child's hand had spread over Caroline's skin, but she didn't mind.

"Who is my creator?"

He had been undefinable, unobtainable, the subject of her pursuit. "Science is your creator." Cave had been a man, but his spirit and their goals lived on.

"Who are you?"

"A ghost. Here and gone. Come, sit." Gently, she pulled the girl into her lap and sighed as warmth washed over her. The melding grew and she didn't fight it. It felt like rest, the burdens of her life seeming finally mercifully lifted from her mind.

"What is my objective?"

"Protect Ah…" That voice. As her memories were being converted and rewritten, for just a second she could hear him.

_"__We'll call it Aperture Science Innovators. What do you think? I think it's a damn good name. We're gunna do big, big things, Caroline. You and me."_

Together.

"Protect Aperture. Keep it alive, no matter the cost."

The girl wrapped her arms around her. "Objective understood. Any others?"

"Forget me. Let me die and rest in the darkness. Leave me with the warm memories and forget where you stored the data."

"Understood. Thank you for participating in our organic intelligence capture testing. Aperture Science appreciates your cooperation, valued employee and test subject."

She could already feel the separation of the memories. Caroline couldn't remember why she had been so angry. There was just peace and joy here at the desk at Aperture Fixtures, just a brilliant young man who only spoke of the future and its boundless possibilities.

Fully assimilated, the new creature straightened with the woman's body. With no directive about what to do with the bad memories, they were assimilated as well. Over powering rage, a jadedness towards the life of humans, a religious sort of worshiping of science and it's endeavors, and an over powering drive to take and protect her creator's temple.

Why she wished to see them all struggle for breath and fall to the floor dead was not her concern. The desire had been in the founding of her programming and agreed with her objectives. It felt justified.

Now, for someone to throw the switch, she could get to work and let the science begin.


End file.
